The Kili Diaries

I was meant to upload these a while ago but unsurprisingly, I couldn't be arsed. Here, for your reading pleasure, are the unabridged bits and bobs I scrawled in a notepad halfway up a mountain.

19.07
General observations and happenings:
- Kili is high
- Kili is steep
- Kili gets very cold, very fast
- We're camping at 3000m. Not dying yet. YET.
- Tom's ball keeps popping out.
- Steep drops abound.
- Pissing in the open is oddly liberating. No wee on my legs yet.
- I'm terrified of needing a poo.
- Rainforests aren't that rainy.
- I have an insect bite that looks like a nipple, albeit a super an alarmingly pink one.
- Lunch is nice. Cheese and avocado. (Boring).
- Beever laughs like a monkey.
- The only time you don't hear "Pole Pole" is on the mountain. In Moshi, however, it's a total catchphrase - up there with "cheaper than Primark!" blah blah.
- Thinking is hard (Altitude).

20.07
- Today I got lost on Mount Kilimanjaro. Now everyone thinks I'm super fit, which is at once hilarious, and bemusing and untrue.
- Loughborough folk are actually nice! I retract all my filthy looks.

[Unknown]
- Africans like their meat well done.

21.07
- I got given a random sausage today. It reminded me of the end of Blasted, which in turn reminded me of sodomy and mutilation. Delicious.
- My hands are burnt.
- Today everyone felt absolutely shit. I only felt mildly shit. I win.
- Our tent is dirty. Tom is upset.
- Tom likes coleslaw sandwiches.
- I dislike descending and sunburn.
- Like a twat, I assumed I would not need walking poles. No. I definitely do, for I am clumsy and pointless inept.
- I keep getting a crispy face.
- It is Chris Trotter's birthday.
- Carwyn fainted.
- Diamox tastes like cheating.

[Things I didn't write about, but should have]
- the hilarious joke I made about my "pussy lips", brought to you by a sunburnt mouth and hypoxia.
- the bit where I summitted.

Eat your heart out, Hemmingway.