Shit Cure Songs

Because the Cure are at Bestival and I'm not, I've compiled a Youtube playlist of their worst songs. The idea is that we pretend that they're always this bad and therefore won't even care that we're not there, pissed in a field, clad in fetching onesies and partying to the best bits of Galore.

However, as I recently tweeted, the Cure have the unique distinction of being sort of adorable even when they're really bad, so no-one will judge you for secretly loving these songs (just as long as you kind of hate them too.)

The Playlist:

Foxy Lady. Vocals by Lol Tolhurst: drummer, keyboardist and generally belligerent gentleman. Disillusionment by Robert Smith. If you listen, you can hear Robert going "no Lol, no" at the beginning, which essentially tells you all you need to know about this one.

The Weedy Burton. Tom's favourite Cure song. At my wit's end here, seriously.

It's Over. The sound of Robert sitting on the loo and shitting out the worst bits of the 80s.

Fight. According to certain Youtubers, this has stopped them from going over the edge so I probably shouldn't mock it. I just think it's crap and enormously lacking in subtlety, melody and the general art of being listenable.* That's all.
*the internet says it's a word so a word it must be.

Club America. Wild Mood Swings is the Cure's worst album, and this is its nadir. It's just rubbish. I don't know what else there is to say, so I'm just going to whimper inaudibly.

Just Say Yes. In fairness, the awfulness of the song pales in comparison to the terrifying video. On the plus side, it's warming to know that they have more than one use for their groupies.

Wrong Number. Fun fact: if you recite the spoken word bit to cold callers down the phone, they never ring again. Trust me, I would know.

Never Enough, or as it is also known, "what happens when Robert goes, 'well hey we just wrote one of the most beautiful albums of all time (Disintegration) but general excellence is never enough for me, so let's go and write the shittest thing we're capable of right now." No, Robert. No.

Screw. An unsightly whitehead on an otherwise beautiful face, and the sort of song I imagine you put together after finally mastering Smoke on the Water, when you're making the transition into writing your own material. The problem is, at this point the Cure had Faith, Pornography and the preceding eight songs of the Head on the Door behind them and I... well... I just don't understand.

When Bestival is over I'll make a similar playlist of their best stuff, because I'm secretly quite nice and also 'cause I'm irrationally afraid Robert will read this and whinge about it/entitlement generally in his next interview (eta: March 2017).